I wish to provide simple solutions to your life's problems, hence, the bachelor advice bit.
1. No chip clip? Go get your stapler.
2. I recently bought a pair of raw denim jeans so I can justify not washing them for 3 months at a time. Seriously, look that up.
3. It's really easy to make a grilled cheese on a clothes iron. Real men iron their work shirt and make a patty melt for breakfast.
4. If you're fortunate enough to have a waffle iron, try grilling your bacon on that, then pouring the waffle batter over it.
Now, when my dumb ass finally gets the camera working, I'll try some of this stuff out for your amusement.